When is Enough, Enough?

   I'm gonna come right out and say it: when liking someone, how long is too long before you need to move on? Now I'm no poster child for a question like this, because I've been stuck in the same loop for about a year now, and haven't done a single thing about it.

   To be honest, I've thought about it. This may be due to the stereotypical view that if a guy likes someone, he should be the one to show interest and initiate it. Although here's where my social justice views come into play: why is the guy looked at as the one to initiate relationships (*for anyone questioning if this is always the case, its not- I've had three girls either ask me out or tell me they like me without me doing anything) and I'm also not going to say if the person I like is a boy or a girl, because it shouldn't matter (to even things out, I've had four boys either ask me out or tell me they like me without me doing anything). So for the boy or girl I'm interested in, I'm intimidated to say something because of the current friendship we have. I don't want to rock the boat; in fact I don't even want to leave the harbor, because I honestly don't know where I would end up.

   Best case scenario, we end up together; worst case scenario, I lose a friend I've had since I started college. Fortunately I don't see a worst case scenario where I die, so losing our friendship is approximately the worst that could happen. Although that is still too much for me. Since betting has never been a strong point of mine, I don't want the possibility of throwing our friendship away on a selfish whim of mine. But how long do I go before I let the apple of my eye fade away?

   Good new/bad news time. I actually can't control when I stop falling for the crush to my candy. So far, I have put a blind eye to everyone else in hopes something will happen. But alas, nothing has. As such, has the time finally come for me to throw myself in the water to either sink or swim?

   Being completely honest, I don't know if I have liked someone this much in my entire life. Blah, blah, cheesy stuff aside, I really do like this person. Though I have to ask, am I being fair to myself to remain close-minded of the possible opportunities ahead, just in the hopes that one day something might spark between my friend and I? Just because one person is feeling something, doesn't mean the other is, and I think my time is coming to an end. One of my best friends from back home told me to wait until November 1 (of course then he took it back and said wait until November 8th). Whether or not he realized that both the 1st and 8th are Saturdays (viable days for things to happen), I'm leaving those two days as my time limit. If nothing happens by the 8th, I'm going to close one door in my life and work up the courage to open another.

   I suppose each person has their own stopwatch timing their respective relationship prospects. For me, I needed the better part of a year to get some closure on my own feelings, not only to truly understand them, but to feel comfortable moving on if the time ever came. With my feelings finally evened out, I feel ready to move of my own accord closer and closer to the door ahead of me- ready to close this tumultuous chapter of my life and move into one where my feelings are either known or where I let them go.

   Where the door leads me is something I won't know until I get there. But I have no intention of skimming through or taking each word in stride to change when I get through this chapter in my life- by November 8th, I will somehow know one way or the other. Like a locked dungeon room in a video game, the knowledge I gain by the 8th will be the key to unlocking the door ahead.