The One, or Just One

   How do you know when the one you've found is "the one"?

   I thought I found the one, but maybe I just found someone. It probably only counts if they think it too. So I guess it works when you hear a slight ringing, and they hear a slight ringing, in which together you hear the true ring.

   Love kind of sucks that way. Actually the word and term commonly referred to as "love" brings such a distaste to my mouth when I think of it, I will from here on use the word "cats" to refer to it. The only justification needed for a swap like this is a reminder of the joy cats bring. Whether it is holding them, having one of them crawl on top of you and fall asleep, or just cuddling together to watch a movie, cats bring a sense of relief and comfort I'm hard pressed to find elsewhere.

                                             

   I didn't just let cats creep in, they just sort of snuck in, but proceeded to let myself get carried away in the vast uncharted sea of cats. And now I'm faced with a dilemma: is this weight I feel on top of my chest due to cats, or is it a mixture of hormones and self-esteem issues?

   There's one person in the entire world I have met that has made me feel like I could do anything. In fact, I have been the most adventurous with this person, extending far beyond the shell I thought was my cage. That's how I perceive cats to be. Yes attraction is part of it, but also an extension of your own self. If being with someone else does not also improve who you are, I would question if it is worth being with them. Now, I'm not calling to action anyone currently in a relationship to break up with their significant other because they are not sure if they are being "bettered" by being in the relationship, BUT if anyone is paying attention to the fish in the sea, it doesn't hurt to self reflect on how other people make you feel before deciding on cats.

   When you give up on "the one", are you giving up on cats altogether or just for the time being? I've been told, "there's someone out there for everyone", and I've reflected on what that means. I'm not gonna pretend like I've met every person, in part because that's a lot of people, but also because maybe there is someone else out there who could make me feel the same way or (if its possible) better- although if I found someone who could make me feel better, I'd marry them in a heartbeat. So when you give up on your one, is it the only one? I can remember back to when I was eight years old and wouldn't eat broccoli for the life of me, and now I'm a vegetarian and ask for it. I am definitely a different person than when I was eight, which means I need to change to find a new person to fit the new me.

   If the person I've met is "the one" for "the me", growing up more will allow me to change who I am and become a different person than the person I am today. Its sort of bittersweet to say goodbye to me, but I'm willing to do it if it means letting go of my one. While I would think myself crazy to say I'd do anything for this person (seeing as we've never even dated), we've still become close the past two years we've known each other and I would do a lot for them. Part of the reason I am willing to allow myself to feel this way is because of the trust I have for this person. Though I could be more honest (as well as everyone to some extent), I don't want to push my boundaries.

   Everyone needs to find a boundary they feel comfortable with to maintain their true identity. Mine is that if my friend ever came to me and asked me a question (disclaimer: my friend would have to be serious about the question), I would answer it. No matter what question my friend might come up with, big or small, if they were serious about it, I would answer it honestly.

   It will take some time before I find out if "the one" was the friend I met two years ago, or it they are just the one for "the me". I've accepted to some extent or another that getting through this jungle of cats will be more difficult than what I'm prepared to face, but its a journey I need to take. When you give out cats, but don't receive cats in return, you're left with emptiness. And after two years of emptiness, I've grown thin and frail, thinking maybe tomorrow I will be revived with cats. But this furry tomorrow has not come to greet me, and to hold on to the remaining sense of self I have left, I will move towards a new day.